I am covid positive and just starting my 14-day quarantine. What I miss is taking meals with my wife. Now Lucy has to cook the food, carry it on a tray to my room, leave it on my doorstep, then walk away.
After I consume the meal (what a word: consume!), it’s the reverse: I leave the tray at the door; she comes back, picks it up, and leaves.
It’s an eerie routine. I know it is to protect her, but as I looked at today’s meal on the floor, I imagined a guy in solitary confinement, then this prison guard would leave food at the door of his cell, and the prisoner would consume it by his lonesome.
Left at that, it would be tempting to be resentful or depressed… until I see the tray in another way.
This time I have another image in mind. It is room service in a hotel.
It’s the same action: a server leaving food at your door. But what a difference! The “prison food” paradigm tends to give you a sense of helplessness. But reframing it as “room service” leaves you grateful that there is someone who cares enough to make sure you’re well nourished.
What’s my point? You can look at your situation positively or negatively. It’s the same work, the same boss, the same paycheck. But you choose whether to feel you’re in a prison or in a hotel. You choose whether your “food” – your current lot in life – is a curse or a blessing. You choose whether to see your colleagues as enemies or friends.
Perspective. That is one powerful way to survive and thrive as this pandemic still shows no sign of abating, what with omicron and all. We may not be able to do much with our circumstances, but we can control how we respond to those circumstances.
Bon appetit!
P.S. Thank you so much, Lucy!
I wasn’t expecting it, but I had a lot of fun!
This was pre-pandemic. I was at our office Christmas party and ready to just sit back, chomp on the catered food and enjoy the program. But someone handed me a red apron and said, “Nelson, you’ll be one of the servers tonight.” I joined the other managers as we donned our aprons, stood behind the buffet stations and put food on the employees’ plates.
Whoever thought of it was brilliant. What a powerful and tangible way to express our appreciation to their hard work! On the other side of the heating trays, the rank-and-file had a merry time seeing their bosses – aprons over their Marks and Spencer shirts, mind you – serving them.
The rice was steaming hot and the caterer kept the tray filled. By the time it was over, I was sweating. I must have served over 50 plates. I found a new way to lose weight. Forget the gym. Join a soup kitchen.
As I took my own dinner, it hit me: this is Christmas in working clothes. And this was how Jesus came into the world and grew up.
In that Christmas party, the managers could have reveled in all the glory of their offices. Yet they humbly put on their aprons, masked their glory and served the people.
This is only a glimpse of a glorious truth: Jesus is God. But instead of coming to earth in dazzling glory, He humbly took on the “apron” of a human being who tasted hunger, thirst, fatigue, obscurity, ridicule, rejection and yes, suffering. More so, He came “not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).
Think about it. Jesus was the Son of God, yet He chose to be born from a virgin betrothed to an everyday carpenter. As a babe in the manger, His swaddling clothes may well be Joseph’s work attire.
As He was growing up, Jesus was not garbed in a monarch’s robe or a general’s uniform, but in a carpenter’s tunic, facing the same hassles we do at the office, factory, call center or clinic. Thus, He can model how we can conduct ourselves in our own workplaces, with the same dedication, wisdom, integrity and graciousness that must have radiated from that carpenter’s shop.
Jesus truly personifies Christmas in working clothes. And for that, let us come and adore Him!
A blessed Yuletide and a prosperous New Year!
Photo from https://www.wayfair.com/kitchen-tabletop/pdx/the-holiday-aisle-frosty-christmas-apron-mnlx1157.html
Do you know that the caffeine in your morning Joe doesn’t really give you energy? What it actually does is to make you think you’re not tired.
Broadly speaking, a neurotransmitter called adenosine attaches itself to certain cell receptors. This binding inhibits nerve cell activity and causes drowsiness.
Clear so far? Now, to a nerve cell, caffeine looks remarkably like adenosine. Caffeine binds itself to those same receptors, basically nudging adenosine aside. Think of you sitting on a chair meant for someone else and that someone has to walk away. The result is that the nerve cell speeds up rather than slowing down, and we feel stimulated and energetic.
Love is like that. As I write this, our kasambahay (domestic helper) has returned to her province for good. This left my wife Lucy to do all the household work: cooking, cleaning, laundry and ironing. I would arrive home, bone-weary from work and the long commute. Then she asked for my help with certain chores. The top shelf of a kitchen cabinet had to be cleaned and I had the height to do it. The five-gallon water bottle in our dispenser had to be replaced. The hefty laundry basket had to be hauled downstairs.
Do I beg off? Do I promise to do it another time? No. I choose to forget my fatigue – drag my tired frame, if need be – and help her with those tasks. That’s more than sheer will power. That’s love.
It works the other way, too. I harbor no illusion that Lucy’s household chores are easy. Take my breakfast, for example. As the kasambahay did, she had to get out of bed at 4:30 AM to cook. I tried to dissuade her, saying that I will just take my breakfast in a restaurant on the way to work. When she realized that I meant fast food, she exclaimed “no way!” It wasn’t a burden to her. She’s the modern-day version of Brother Lawrence who wrote the classic The Practice of the Presence of God, finding sublime spirituality in the kitchen amidst all those pots and pans.
Did she prefer to be sandwiched between a comfy blanket and crispy bedsheets? I’m sure. But she gets up anyway. That’s love.
Love is like coffee. We like it steaming hot, rapturously fragrant, and smoothly tasteful.
So the next time you’re dead beat but need to serve your spouse, think coffee. You may not have the energy, but you chose not to feel tired. Let the caffeine in your relationship be compassion and commitment. It is served best in packs of happy self-sacrifice.
Now that’s a really great brew!
About the author: Nelson T. Dy is one of the Top 100 Filipinos to follow in Linkedin for 2021. An accomplished author, speaker, coach and trainer, he tackles career, relationship, purpose and spirituality issues.
He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering from the De La Salle University, followed by an MBA degree from the Asian Institute of Management. He has over 30 years of experience in manufacturing and industrial marketing. He is the Assistant Vice President for two packaging plants. He is married to the wonderful Lucy Cheng-Dy.
Visit his website nelsontdy.com or contact him via nelsontdy.com@gmail.com.
There’s a kind of prison that we carry everywhere with us. Whatever that traps our hearts in despair and darkness, that is our prison.
The funny thing is that the prison door is always open. Beyond that door beckons sunlight and beauty. Yet we find ourselves unable to step out to freedom. That’s because our ankles are shackled. Those shackles can be fear, hurt, loneliness, regrets, self-loathing, whatever is holding us back. Interestingly, we shackle ourselves.
Want to hear something even funnier? We try to break our shackles with tools that don’t work. We tell ourselves to snap out of it. We hope tomorrow things will be different. We numb the pain with myriad addictions. We might as well try to chip away at the metal chains with a plastic spoon.
Yet there we are: still inside that prison, shackled. Meantime, we can almost hear the door saying, “Hey, I’m still open!”
Mind a suggestion? See your prison the way God sees it. Is God with you there? Do you believe God loves you utterly? Can you trust God to redeem your past and usher you to a wonderful future?
Imagine gazing at your shackles, but this time the way God looks at them. Watch those shackles melt away, unable to resist the laser beam of His love and mercy.
Then, let God have the pleasure of getting you up on your feet and leading you out that door, the door which He has kept open… just for you.
Come. Let’s step outside. I hear a beautiful life awaits us, because we follow a beautiful God.
We all feel some form of emptiness in our lives. It’s the pang when we desire a blessing, but God has apparently left us in the cold. Or when we feel we could have done better but are dissatisfied with our lives.
Within Luke chapter 5 are beautiful lessons.
Jesus was teaching to a crowd by the lake of Gennesaret. The crowds were already pressing Him to the shore. Any further pushing and Jesus would hit the lake.
So He got into one of the boats, which was Simon Peter’s, and asked him to put out a little way from the land. Then He sat down and began teaching the multitudes from the boat. What an innovative idea from the mind of Christ! He saw a boat and transformed it into a pulpit. Now He could talk to the crowds and stay dry at the same time.
No doubt Peter was with Jesus in the boat. Talk about a captive audience! But was Peter receptive to Jesus’ words ? I don’t think so. Peter and his colleagues worked hard fishing the previous night, but caught nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. So while Jesus taught, perhaps Peter was brooding about the futility of last night.
The barren nets. The aching muscles. The despairing hearts.
Peter was empty.
Do you feel the same way? Even no matter how hard you worked? Why does your heart ache?
A misspent past?
Longing for a spouse?
A disappointing marriage?
A stalled career ?
A bout with depression?
But meditate on what happened next. Jesus did something unexpected. After He had finished speaking, He told Peter, “Put out into the deep water for a catch.”
Simon must have groaned. He must have thought, “Oh, no! Another exercise in futility! And for what? Who’s this guy anyway? Since when does a carpenter know about fishing? Doesn’t He know I’m the veteran around here? Why doesn’t He just stick to preaching?”
But…
Peter answered, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but at Your bidding I will let down the nets.” Despite the fatigue, Peter had a good heart: “Jesus, I don’t understand. But because You said so, I’ll do it.”
When Peter and his group complied, their net captured a great quantity of fish, so great that the net began to break. He had to signal to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. When they hauled the fish onto both boats, the catch was still so great that they began to sink.
Get it? Even your emptiness is by God’s design, for if you’re not empty, how can He fill you?
But notice the sequence: First, God uses you, then He blesses you. Had Peter’s boat been filled from last night’s fishing, he couldn’t let Jesus use his boat. He’d tell Jesus to wait while they unload the catch and clean the boat.
What is it that God first wants to do to you and through you ?
Let God use you in your emptiness. Until when? Until He is finished. Then He will bless.
Notice when Jesus began to bless Peter? When He had finished teaching the crowd. There is a divine timetable to your blessing. If you’re empty now, it’s not that God is stingy. It’s still not yet time. Who knows, it could come next year… next month…tomorrow … today.
Even the blessing is purely by His grace. Jesus didn’t have to do it. But He did. And it was totally unexpected. It must have caught Peter off-guard. Submit yourself to the grace of God, trust in His goodness, and He will do what is best. And He doesn’t do it only for you, but so that you will be His overflowing channel to bless those around you.
What a wonderful Father we have, who uses even our emptiness for His glory! Indeed, just as fullness comes from Him, so does emptiness.
Is your life like Peter’s empty boat? Make Jesus your Captain. Let Him call the shots. In due time, He will bless. Maybe not the way you expect, but like Peter, you will bow down before Him in awe and worship. And as Peter did, follow Him.
Surrender your emptiness into His hands and watch Him fill you. “For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.” (John 1:16)
While Jesus was here on earth, He visited a place called Bethesda.
There, camped around a pool, were a multitude of the sick, blind, lame and withered. They stayed at the poolside because they believed that the water had magical powers: from time to time an angel would come down from heaven and stir the waters. Whoever jumped into the pool first would be healed of whatever ailment he had. (The story is recorded in the Gospel of John, chapter 5.)
Pretend that we are with Jesus as He surveyed these people. What a panorama of suffering! We gaze into each face and eyes stare back at us in quiet despair. Some have been ailing and waiting for the pool waters to move for so long that even their strength to groan is gone.
But we see an even sadder thing. These people were pinning their hopes of healing on that pool. They didn’t realize that the Great Healer was in their midst! How the tender heart of our Savior must have ached. Instead of looking unto God, these people have reduced their lives into a few ripples of water.
Suddenly Jesus singled out one man, lying next to the pool. He had been sick for thirty-eight years. Jesus asked him, “Do you wish to get well?”
What a question! We’d think, “Of course he wants to get well!”
We’d also suppose hope would well up inside this man. But he answered Jesus, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” Paraphrase this to mean, “Jesus, it’s bad enough I’ve spent the best years of my life lying flat on my back. It’s worse when other people jumped into the pool and stole the healing that should have been mine.”
Before we get to the rest of the story, let’s pause and consider. The world is like that pool of Bethesda. Do we see a multitude of impaired people? Not necessarily physically, but emotionally? How about socially? Or even spiritually? And do we see people staking their well-being on solutions as elusive as water, even though the Savior stands in their midst, ready to give them the solid help they need?
More to the point: are we among these very people?
Going back to the story, the Lord was gracious. Rather than be turned off by the man’s self-pity and defeatism, He told the man, “Arise, take up your mat, and walk.” Immediately the man became well and began to walk. After almost four barren decades, he was in perfect health!
I wonder: if Jesus were to ask us that same question “Do you wish to get well?” what would we tell him?
“Yes, Lord, I wish to get well…
“I wish to end this heartache once and for all…”
“I wish to be released from my past…”
“I wish to trust You, but I continue to be sick with worry…”
“I wish to break this sin that keeps coming back…”
Many times, we live in defeat, sorrow and worry because we depend on career, connections, companions, cash and credit line for our security. But now the Savior comes and offers, “Do you wish to get well?” The wonderful thing is that despite our weaknesses, He still invites us to “Arise… and walk.” Let us get up from our slump. Start walking. Start really living. Simply because Jesus tells us so.
If we want to be free from our past, arise and move on.
If we want to be free from worry, arise and trust God.
If we want to be free from loneliness, arise and connect with people.
As we arise and walk, we’ll be amazed at strength that seemed to come from nowhere. Such is Jesus’ sweet enabling if we’d take Him at His word. Such is the power when the Only Begotten Son makes this possible.
Marriage does not begin with you and your spouse. It begins with you and your God. Get right with God first. Then getting right with your spouse will follow, perhaps with a lot less struggle and more joy than just applying techniques.
God gets a ringside seat to all the nauseating, maggot-infested muck in our hearts… but wants to be with us, anyway. There was never an instant when He ceased to care for us. Yet He does not pander to our caprices. He is not above withholding the sugar pill that we hanker as good but He knows is bad for us.
Neither is He remiss in urging us to swallow the bitter pill that we recoil from as evil, but in His eyes is exactly what we need. In fact, whatever grieves us – a difficult job, problematic health, wobbly finances and yes, that impossible spouse – are not signs of His displeasure, but are rather invitations to participate in His grace.
I know for some people what I am about to say will be very hard to believe. But here goes: God loves you very, very much.
Here is how Larry Crabb paints a Romantic God. His verbal brushstrokes are so eloquent, I beg you to savor the next two paragraphs:
“The most powerful thing we can do to help someone change is to offer them a rich taste of God’s incredible goodness in the New Covenant. He looks at us with eyes of delight, with eyes that see a goodness beneath the mess, with a heart that beats wildly with excitement over who we are and who we will become. And sometimes he exposes what we are convinced would make him turn away in disgust in order to amaze us with his grace. That’s connecting. When we connect like that, it can change people’s lives.
“God doesn’t fix us or pressure us. He does whatever it takes to reveal himself to us. That may include probing deeply into our messy hearts or insisting that we do something we really don’t want to do. But the core purpose is always the same, not to repair or exhort us, but to draw us into a fuller appreciation of his beauty, to dazzle us with the sunrises of his nature, to awe us with the Grand Canyons of his character, to entice us with the endless fields of fragrant flowers blooming in his heart.”
Wow!
Therefore, how can we transform our selfish hearts and thus transform our marriages? To borrow the language of Psalm 34:8, by tasting and seeing the All-good God in all His indescribable splendor.
If you want to revitalize or even rescue your marriage, perhaps you need to lay aside all those techniques and theory. Start with God. Ask for His forgiveness. Enjoy His sheer goodness to you. He wants to have a romance with you. Then, with a cleansed and awakened heart, be the romantic person your spouse needs.
My wife and I married late, so we decided not to have children. But as a girl hugged me during one of my book signings (see photo), that was the closest I ever felt to being a father.
I’ll tell this story in a minute. But when I was her age, I was fresh out of college, on survival mode, looking for a stable job with a surplus paycheck. In short, I was chasing success the way many in their 20s would define it: position, possessions, prestige. You may say: money, mansion, Mercedes. Throw in a happy marriage and I’ve made it.
By my late 30s, I was at the peak of my career. I was Country Manager for a Fortune 500 company. But something felt strangely hollow. So my response was to look for more success.
Then the rug was pulled out under me. Because of the Asian currency crisis in the late 90’s, I was retrenched. I thought someone with my academic and career credentials, I would get a new job in no time.
Well, “no time” stretched on for weeks, months, a year, two years. My savings went down to zero while my self-esteem went down to negative. My family sacrificed and invested in my education, and I felt I had let them down. To their credit, they were supportive and showed unconditional love. But I never felt more useless and ashamed in my whole life.
Through those barren days and dark nights, I resorted to journaling. Pouring down my grief and anger on paper saved me from going the deep end.
My fortunes picked up when I found a new job and married the girl of my dreams. As we moved into our house, my wife Lucy saw three-ring binders filled with print-outs.
“What are these?” she asked me.
“Oh,” I replied nonchalantly, “those were the journals I wrote when I was down and out.”
“These are good!” she exclaimed, “What you wrote should be shared with the rest of this world.”
Long story short, we found a publisher and in 2004, my first book Finding Comfort was born. It compiled some of my journals which talked about loneliness, disappointment, bitterness, and more.
The book had a “Contact Me” section which carried my email address. Soon, I was receiving emails from readers who were going through similar emotional problems. Some thanked me for the encouragement they found in my book. Others were asking for my advice.
That’s when everything clicked. I found something better than success. I found significance.
Going back to that photo, it was taken in 2018. My publisher believed in Finding Comfort so much that they updated and relaunched it. During the book signing, this nervous wisp of a girl came up to me and whispered, “Sir, may I hug you?”
She slipped away before I can interview her. But my wife and I like to think that the book made a difference in her life. I lost my success but out of the ashes of my failure came significance.
Now that I am about to retire, I have heard a lot of people saying that they were furiously climbing up a ladder only to discover that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. They were pursuing success, only to realize they should have pursued significance.
I have nothing against getting rich, driving a nifty car, and living in a dream house. But we are wired to be more than that. We are wired to make an impact on other people’s lives.
But here’s my real message:
You don’t have to be in your 40s or in a C-suite to pursue significance. You can start while you are young and mobile. Don’t wander through life for ten or twenty years before you conclude that while success is pleasant, significance is far more satisfying.
Start measuring your life not by your net worth, but by the positive changes you are making in the people around you.
Start small, start somewhere, start now.
Once you embark on a quest for significance, you will arrive at something even better: legacy.
January 6, 2022
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