This passage (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) does not explain why God allows affliction or suffering. But it does reveal God’s — to use a modern term – empathy. God is ready, willing and able to comfort those who are suffering but turning to Him.
And here’s an extra dimension. God comforts us that we may comfort others with the same comfort we got from God. Not the comfort we usually give – a cheer up here, a pep talk there – but the comfort that we are heard and we matter.
In one sense, the answer to why God would allow suffering is to show the world what difference God Himself makes, as we can see in one suffering with God’s comfort and others suffering without God being involved at all.
I do hope this helps those who are still wrestling with the classic problem of pain and evil. Have a good day!
Have you an experience like this? You’re dead tired. You went to a vacation or you just enjoyed a great movie, but after that, you still feel tired.
That’s because there is physical rest and soul rest, the latter being deeper and can’t be resolved by physical means.
Sometimes it comes from being so busy that you wonder what is the point of it all.
Sometimes it is an existential angst: whether you matter or not.
Sometimes it is this stubborn sorrow, as if you don’t deserve to be happy.
All these would be the weariness Jesus talked about when He gave His famous promise “Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest”.
The weariness is deep and mysterious, but Jesus gave one offer: Himself. He spreads His arms wide to welcome those who seek the soul-rest we desperately crave.
Purpose? Come to Him.
Self-worth? Come to Him.
Joy? Come to Him.
And yes, that offer still stands for you and me.
One of my favorite expressions is “Oh, I learned something new today.” Each new discovery comes with a burst of delight, as if I were a child all over again.
Truth be told, I am using maybe 20% of what I learned in college. And 80% of what I know to lead a successful career, I picked them up on the job, as I go through life, and from others.
Now I am not saying you dump all what you learned at school. But the reality is that we have to be lifelong learners if we are to flourish in our chosen profession. Here are some principles to keep in mind:
1. Change is the norm, not the exception.
I still remember my first cellphone. It was this bulky unit that looked more like a military walkie-talkie… complete with antennae!
Then over a span of few years, cell phones got smaller and cheaper. What used to be a status symbol for the rich is now available even to domestic helpers. Needless to say, I threw away my walkie-talkie… I mean, cellphone.
Therefore, always be aware that change is happening around us. Some are rather obvious, while others can be so subtle that they hit us before we know it. Some can be comparatively trivial, while others can be game-changers.
We may not be able to keep track of every change that is happening around us, but the first step is to live on the premise that what works today may be obsolete tomorrow.
2. Be ready to unlearn.
A sage was once asked why there are people who resist change even if it’s for their own good. The sage replied, “Because they still believe they’re right.”
Thus, change is not merely appealing to reason or logic. One may intellectually agree that a new way is better. But because he tends to decide on what makes him feel happy, correct or secure, he would still stick to the old way.
Yet the price for not learning is usually steeper than the discomfort of unlearning. In practical terms, the penalty may be a stagnant career, wasted resources, missed opportunities, even going out of business.
Once we understand this principle, we are ready to unlearn. The promise is that it is better to go through the discomfort now and reap the benefits later, rather than staying in our comfort zones but pay a higher price of needless difficulties later.
More in the next post. Meantime, what have you discovered lately?
I promised to share three principles on how to overcome fear. The first two are defang your fear and develop action plans. In case you missed it, just check out my previous posts.
Have you ever heard this expression: “The best way to predict the future is to create it”? But when you think about it, we really cannot create the future. We really cannot control our circumstances. Not the economy, the market, the competition, the weather. It’s like Calvin in the cartoon below.
We admit to this reality when the term VUCA was popularized: volatility, uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity.
So what do you do? Here comes a quotation which I really love. “I don’t know what the future will hold. But I know who host the future.” The third principle is to depend on a Higher Power.
Some of you may say we count on fate, destiny or some moral law in the universe. For me, I’ve subscribed to the Christian faith that we have not only an omnipotent, omniscient God, but a God who cares. One of my favorite Bible passages goes: “Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.”
Yes, I may be afraid. Yes, things may get rough. Yes, I can’t control my future. But I know the God who controls the future is the same God who cares for me.
I know of a sales executive who kept on being worried sick. His organization depended on his ability to bring in the proverbial bacon. Competition is fiercer than ever. Price negotiations got brutal. And so he had sleepless nights.
One evening, he had an epiphany. He read the passage I quoted above and realized how foolish it was to carry a burden that was not meant for him to carry. He prayed, “God, I did my best. Now I’m going to sleep. No sense in both of us staying awake.”
It was his best slumber in months. Guess what? As he was more relaxed and less harassed, he was able to close new deals.
The opposite of fear is not courage. It is faith. Faith in a good God who showed His love for us at the Cross. And if He went that far to show His care for us, why won’t He care for us day after day?
As we put ourselves in the hands of the Great Shepherd, the safest place in all the universe, we can avow with the psalmist, “I will fear no evil.”
#fear #anxiety #courage #coaching #careercoaching #careertips
In this series about overcoming our fears, we have so far explored the principle of “defang your fear.” If you missed it, simply go to my profile and read my previous two posts.
Now for the second principle: develop action plans. If you’re afraid of something, do something about it. Positive action has a way of dispelling negative emotions.
Let’s say that you are afraid of public speaking. Just the thought of you standing in front of an audience makes you want to fly to Siberia. From “defang your fear”, you’ve learned to dig deeper as to why exactly public speaking is so fearful for you. You discover that you don’t want to make a mistake.
But rather than shunning speaking opportunities, you can be determined to prepare.
Actually, I tend to over-prepare. After I make my deck, I imagine what questions it would raise from the audience. Then I research, ask around, and scribble my answers. That way, my apprehension of being caught flat-footed in Q&A takes a nose dive. I would still load my deck with the sufficient information my audience needs, but I tuck other information – my extra ammunition – in the Appendices, accessible via hyperlink.
That’s how it’s supposed to be. Fear usually comes when we will venture into the unknown. Will you be talking to a difficult person? Do you want to start your own business? Are you thinking of a career move? Plan ahead. You will discover that the unknown is not that unknown after all.
As the saying goes, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Don’t stop with just one plan. Anticipate what can go wrong and have contingency plans. Craft a Plan B, and a Plan C if need be.
In the next post, I will share the last strategy on how to overcome your fear. It’s my best advice ever. Don’t miss it!
In the first post, we talked about being more specific about your fear. For example, if you fear being rejected, a little self-reflection may reveal that what you are really afraid of is feeling useless or unwanted.
Now that you have identified the “root fear”, you have crystallized what to work on. Remember, you cannot fight an enemy you cannot define. Here are three ways how to neutralize the root fear or at least significantly diminish its power over you.
The first is the true / not true method. In the example of rejection, the root fear is being treated as no good, worthless, useless, incompetent, stupid, and so on.
Now challenge that perception. Is that necessarily true? When someone rejects you, does that mean you are no good? Maybe you were turned down on a job application because the recruiter thinks you lack the skills or experience. But does that mean you are a bad person? No, your worth as a person remains intact. Does that mean you are incompetent? No, because you can point to other skills and accomplishments you can be proud of.
The second is the reframe method. It means seeing something from a different point of view.
For example, you are afraid of public speaking. What makes public speaking fearful for you? It may be that what you are really afraid of is looking like a fool if you fail to answer questions from the audience. But is it really so? If you fail to answer that question, does that make you an idiot? No, you simply don’t have the answer right now.
Instead of looking at public speaking as a torture chamber, look forward to it as an opportunity to express your ideas better. If you had difficulty answering a question, then you learn to anticipate questions and gather answers at your fingertips.
The third is the worst-case scenario. Going back to the fear of public speaking, imagine you sucked big-time in your speech. What is the worst that can happen? People will think unfavorable about you. Nobody would ever want to listen to you again. Your career as a public speaker is kaput.
Ok. Now what can you do to reverse that negative perception? Notice that you faced your worst fear in the face and then thought, “It’s not the end of the world after all.”
Here’s the good news. According to an article by the Huffington Post, 85% of what we worry about never happens. And of the 15%, people said that when what they feared about actually happened, it was not as bad as they feared. What’s more, they discovered that they can cope better than they thought.
So there you have it. What is the root fear to be defanged? Use the true / not true method. Reframe the situation. Ask what’s the worst that can happen and chances are – 85% of the time – it won’t.
Next we will talk of the second way to be fearless: develop an action plan.
The funny thing about fear is that what you’re afraid of doesn’t have to be right in front of you.
For example, I hate Rottweilers. Right now I’m writing this post at my office, safe and sound, but just the thought of those big, dark, vicious dogs that can rip my throat out gives me the shudders. That’s because the human brain can’t distinguish between reality and imagination.
Think of what you are afraid of and you will feel the fight or flight – but definitely the fright – syndrome.
For you, perhaps it’s a make-or-break business presentation you have to give to a tough audience tomorrow. Or the prospect of asking your boss for a raise. Or being offered a career opportunity but you are paralyzed by the risk of failure. They’re not happening now, but they still give you the sweaty palms and tummy butterflies.
In this Fearless Factor series, I will share my thoughts how to overcome fear and its related emotion, anxiety.
My first tip is that you defang your fear. What I mean is that you must reflect on why you fear what you are fearful of. Put differently: what hold does that fear have on you? What explains its power? Once you identify why you fear what you fear, you can create counter-strategies to neutralize that fear.
It helps to ask: what makes the [what you fear] fearful for you? For example, if you dread public speaking, ask: what makes public speaking fearful for you? Perhaps it is the deeper fear of making mistakes or being unable to answer tough questions. If you dive even deeper, the root fear has to do with your identity or self-image: you simply don’t want to look like a fool.
Once you pinpoint the root fear, we can begin work on taking the sting out of that fear. I will share two methods in my next post. You may not be able to defang a Rottweiler, but you can certainly defang your fear.
Don’t miss it!
In the previous post, I have argued that when you are asked a question, it is wise not to answer right away. Rather, take time to explore what made the person to ask that question. This is what I call the Explore Then Answer (ETA) framework.
My favorite metaphor is an iceberg floating on an ocean. What you see above the water surface is only 10% of that iceberg. The other 90% is the massive chunk of ice below the surface.
When someone asks you a question, what you are seeing is only the 10%. Somewhere in his mind and heart is the other 90% that drives the question to the surface.
The three major drivers are belief, desire and experience.
Belief. When someone asks you a question, try to surmise the underlying suppositions. For example, when the sales manager says, “Sales are down. What kind of training do our agents need for them to close more sales?”
The belief is that the problem is lack of selling skills and the solution is to hire a trainer. But the true cause may be that the product is overpriced or of inferior quality.
Desire. Your spouse or significant other puts on a certain set of clothes and asks you, “Does this make me look fat?” You don’t reply right away, let alone tell a white lie “Oh, honey, you look okay!”
Rather, you find out what is the spouse’s concern, then offer your honest but respectful opinion. For example, you learn that the spouse’s desire is to look good. So you volunteer, “To be honest, I do find you look a bit large in those clothes. Why don’t we look at the rest of your wardrobe for something that will make you look better?”
Experience. Suppose you are selling a product to a prospective client and the client rebuffs you, “Why should I believe you?”
What would you do? Likely, you will handle objections the way you were trained. Perhaps you will double down on your product features or benefits. You will give the logical answers and get puzzled why client still won’t buy.
But suppose the client refused to buy not because he has intellectual doubts about the product, but because he had a negative experience in the past. Perhaps he bought a similar product which severely disappointed him. Perhaps he gave in to a high-pressure sales pitch and regretted it.
Remember, we are not the rational beings we thought we are. We decide based on emotions and justify them with emotions.
Now that we are aware the three drivers behind most questions are belief, desire, and experience, how do we couch our exploration? The answer will be in the next and final post.
August 15, 2023
0 Comments