Years ago, pre-pandemic, I attended a seminar about moviemaking by a Hollywood director. (No, I didn’t go to Hollywood, the director gave the seminar in Manila.) One of the principles he taught was that every scene is to move the story forward.

Consider this example: Two buddies were sitting at a bar counter. One of them morosely held his beer mug and sighed, “I don’t know what to do with my wife. She’s driving me nuts! Would you believe last night she gave me a hard time just because I forgot to pick up some groceries on my way home?”

The other man simply said, “Well, what can you do about it?”

The first man paused for what seemed like an eternity, then with a sudden burst of energy, he slammed his beer mug down on the counter, yelled “THAT’S IT!”, and stormed out of the bar.

Did the man mean “That’s it! I’m filing for divorce!” or “That’s it! I have an idea how to solve this thing!” Either way, it sets up the next scene.

But imagine if the second man were to ask for details like:

• What time did the first man arrive home?
• What were the groceries his buddy was supposed to pick up?
• What did the wife say that gave the first man a hard time?

And so on.

What would happen to that scene? Stagnant. Dragging. Boring. The audience will ask “where is this going?” In coaching parlance, stuck.

I learned this the hard way when I was being mentored as an executive coach. The client presented to me his problem and I was all Five Wives and One Husband (who, what, where, why, when and how). The more I asked for specifics, the more I had this gnawing sense like sinking in quicksand. And when I had to think of a coaching question, nothing came to my mind.

My mentor’s feedback was “Nelson, you’re acting like a problem-solver. Problem-solvers dig for data and details. The client knows his problem more intimately than you can ever do. Go high-level and carry the conversation forward.”

So true! I have been tackling problems at my day job for so long that my ingrained response was to kick my critical thinking into overdrive. Worse, I was curious for curious sake, instead of being curious about the client’s “who” as well as the “what” so I can lead him to awareness, insight, and growth.

I am not saying details are bad. Rather, what I learned that day was to be aware of the next question I want to ask and check myself, “Where will this question lead us to?”

Incidentally, I also see this struggle among coaches-in-training. I suspect it’s also because they have yet to develop the skill of active inquiry and thus encounter dead air. To fill out the silence or to assuage their discomfort, they ask for the details that cause the conversation to stall.

So the next time we are coaching, try skipping the details. Go high-level and move forward.

And I’ll see you at the movies!

I’m Coach Nelson. Want to level up your thinking and thus your doing? Contact me via nelsontdy.com@gmail.com and let’s explore!