Do you know that the caffeine in your morning Joe doesn’t really give you energy? What it actually does is to make you think you’re not tired.

Broadly speaking, a neurotransmitter called adenosine attaches itself to certain cell receptors. This binding inhibits nerve cell activity and causes drowsiness.

Clear so far? Now, to a nerve cell, caffeine looks remarkably like adenosine. Caffeine binds itself to those same receptors, basically nudging adenosine aside. Think of you sitting on a chair meant for someone else and that someone has to walk away. The result is that the nerve cell speeds up rather than slowing down, and we feel stimulated and energetic.

Love is like that. As I write this, our kasambahay (domestic helper) has returned to her province for good. This left my wife Lucy to do all the household work: cooking, cleaning, laundry and ironing. I would arrive home, bone-weary from work and the long commute. Then she asked for my help with certain chores. The top shelf of a kitchen cabinet had to be cleaned and I had the height to do it. The five-gallon water bottle in our dispenser had to be replaced. The hefty laundry basket had to be hauled downstairs.

Do I beg off? Do I promise to do it another time? No. I choose to forget my fatigue – drag my tired frame, if need be – and help her with those tasks. That’s more than sheer will power. That’s love.

It works the other way, too. I harbor no illusion that Lucy’s household chores are easy. Take my breakfast, for example. As the kasambahay did, she had to get out of bed at 4:30 AM to cook. I tried to dissuade her, saying that I will just take my breakfast in a restaurant on the way to work. When she realized that I meant fast food, she exclaimed “no way!” It wasn’t a burden to her. She’s the modern-day version of Brother Lawrence who wrote the classic The Practice of the Presence of God, finding sublime spirituality in the kitchen amidst all those pots and pans.

Did she prefer to be sandwiched between a comfy blanket and crispy bedsheets? I’m sure. But she gets up anyway. That’s love.

Love is like coffee. We like it steaming hot, rapturously fragrant, and smoothly tasteful.

So the next time you’re dead beat but need to serve your spouse, think coffee. You may not have the energy, but you chose not to feel tired. Let the caffeine in your relationship be compassion and commitment. It is served best in packs of happy self-sacrifice.

Now that’s a really great brew!

About the author: Nelson T. Dy is one of the Top 100 Filipinos to follow in Linkedin for 2021. An accomplished author, speaker, coach and trainer, he tackles career, relationship, purpose and spirituality issues.

He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering from the De La Salle University, followed by an MBA degree from the Asian Institute of Management. He has over 30 years of experience in manufacturing and industrial marketing. He is the Assistant Vice President for two packaging plants. He is married to the wonderful Lucy Cheng-Dy.

Visit his website nelsontdy.com or contact him via nelsontdy.com@gmail.com.