In the previous post, I have argued that when you are asked a question, it is wise not to answer right away. Rather, take time to explore what made the person to ask that question. This is what I call the Explore Then Answer (ETA) framework.

My favorite metaphor is an iceberg floating on an ocean. What you see above the water surface is only 10% of that iceberg. The other 90% is the massive chunk of ice below the surface.

When someone asks you a question, what you are seeing is only the 10%. Somewhere in his mind and heart is the other 90% that drives the question to the surface.

The three major drivers are belief, desire and experience.

Belief. When someone asks you a question, try to surmise the underlying suppositions. For example, when the sales manager says, “Sales are down. What kind of training do our agents need for them to close more sales?”

The belief is that the problem is lack of selling skills and the solution is to hire a trainer. But the true cause may be that the product is overpriced or of inferior quality.

Desire. Your spouse or significant other puts on a certain set of clothes and asks you, “Does this make me look fat?” You don’t reply right away, let alone tell a white lie “Oh, honey, you look okay!”

Rather, you find out what is the spouse’s concern, then offer your honest but respectful opinion. For example, you learn that the spouse’s desire is to look good. So you volunteer, “To be honest, I do find you look a bit large in those clothes. Why don’t we look at the rest of your wardrobe for something that will make you look better?”

Experience. Suppose you are selling a product to a prospective client and the client rebuffs you, “Why should I believe you?”

What would you do? Likely, you will handle objections the way you were trained. Perhaps you will double down on your product features or benefits. You will give the logical answers and get puzzled why client still won’t buy.

But suppose the client refused to buy not because he has intellectual doubts about the product, but because he had a negative experience in the past. Perhaps he bought a similar product which severely disappointed him. Perhaps he gave in to a high-pressure sales pitch and regretted it.

Remember, we are not the rational beings we thought we are. We decide based on emotions and justify them with emotions.

Now that we are aware the three drivers behind most questions are belief, desire, and experience, how do we couch our exploration? The answer will be in the next and final post.