One piece of wisdom I love from Marcia Reynolds is that when you see the coachee struggling with a well-posed question, that is when learning is happening.
However, our tendency is to worry that we are putting the coachee through a wringer, even to the point of interrupting the sacred silence. The coachee may be spared of further pain, but we have just aborted the transformative process.
What is helping me is to see discomfort as a zone. Sure, it’s there, but once both coach and coachee cross the discomfort zone (some diagrams call it the fear zone), there is growth.
That is why I also see discomfort as a friend. It’s that genuine friendship that dispenses tough love in that we care for the coachee to ask the difficult questions so he can gain insight, awareness and a more helpful way of thinking.
So the next time your coaching conversation has hit some discomfort, hooray! Ride it out. Be comfortable with the discomfort. Resist the temptation to “save” the coachee.
Something beautiful is about to happen.
August 28, 2025
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