I was helping someone who needed more self-confidence in public speaking. If we were to meet a few years earlier, I would tell him the usual tips and tricks: do the power pose, practice regularly, use vocal variety and body gestures, and so on.
But as I grew to be a coach, I realized that rather than working on the external, it is far better to address the internal. What do I mean by that?
Let’s go back to Barry (not his real name), the aspiring speaker. My first question was “Where is the lack of self-confidence coming from?”
He looked to his upper right as he reflected, then said, “I am afraid that if I make a mistake in my speech, the audience will criticize me.”
I probed further, “What is it about an audience’s criticism that makes you fearful?”
“Well,” he sighed, “the audience may think they are not getting their money’s worth. They think I am not so knowledgeable after all.”
I challenged gently, “Is that necessarily true?”
Barry’s face lightened up. “You know, when I taught a module and asked the participants to fill out a feedback form, they kept telling me how much fun and learning they got from my module.”
I celebrated with him and asked, “So now you have objective proof. It is not necessarily true that the audience will criticize you. In fact, they love you for what you’ve done for them.”
Barry became even more animated, “Yes! Yes!”
“And what have you learned from this experience?”
In less than five minutes, Barry flipped his perceptions that fed his lack of self-confidence. He excitedly wrote down this insight: the audience is your friend.
We fleshed out what Barry needed to do next. If he didn’t reframe his assumptions about his audience, it would be a hard climb. Instead, he looked forward to the next steps.
The next time you are to give a business presentation, an inspirational talk, or even a coaching conversation, remember: the people you are talking to want you to succeed.
What’s more, if you focus on blessing those people, you won’t be focusing on how you will suck.
So go ahead, step up to the stage… and tell your friends!
February 2, 2023
0 Comments