As we celebrate InternationalCoachingWeek, here is my humble contribution to the craft.

Early on my coaching training, a valuable tip I got from a mentor coach is this: “Nelson, listen carefully to the client. What is this REALLY all about?”

Yet as I go through coaching training and observe my fellow trainees, I notice that a challenge that keeps cropping up is the ability to shift from the what to the who.

For example, the client told his coach, “I want to have an action plan for a better relationship with my boss.”  Then as the conversation flowed on, the client shared, “I know I should talk with my boss, but I keep postponing it.”

In a heartbeat, the arena has shifted from the what (making the action plan) to the who (unable to go through with it).

A good coach would have picked this up and explored what’s behind the postponing. Instead, the coach-in-training kept asking the client what he would say to the boss. He may even end the session without tackling this personal aspect. An opportunity for powerful insight and transformation is lost.

Some possible reasons why this is so:

• We don’t know what to do when the client expresses angst.
• We feel awkward or clueless when that happens.
• We don’t know where the transformational route will lead to. And that scares us.
• We may not even know how to process our own feelings.
• We prefer action than empathy.
• We are too cerebral. The client may be cerebral, too.

Whatever the reason may be, a good coach partners with the client to evoke awareness for meaningful breakthroughs. Transactional approaches like GROW have their own value in solving a client’s problem. But what if the problem lies within the client himself?

In one practice session, I heard a client say, in effect, “I know what to do, I know it is important for me, so why am I not doing it?” Three words came to my mind: Cry. For. Help.

I agree that this can be a bias or judgment on my part. But my thesis is that if our ears are pricked when the client seems to send us an SOS, it motivates us to park the transactional and explore what is this really all about.

The subtle trap is that when the coach hears a “cry for help”, his impulse is to jump to the rescue and switch to advising mode. Resist the Messiah complex. There is a wonderful paradox about coaching: while the client senses his need for help, he is complete and capable to find that help within the co-creative coaching process.

We are all learning. In a practice session, I thought I nailed the who part. Then the mentor coach showed how I could have gone deeper. I was, like, “Why didn’t I catch that?” But I welcome exercises like this to sharpen my ears for that cry for help so I can serve my clients better.

Mastery is a journey, not a destination. So if my post has raised your responsiveness to the client’s who, then I count that as a huge win.

Happy coaching!